Atlanta Braves – You are consistently well above-average and a bit boring.
Arizona Diamondbacks – You’re as overrated as they come. If you lived anywhere else you wouldn’t be able to find a job.
Baltimore Orioles – You’re still holding on to that time ten years ago you when you got laid every day for an entire month. You really like orange and losing.
Boston Red Sox – Your best is never good enough for anyone. A green muppet lives in one of the walls of your home.
Cleveland Indians – You are not bothered by overtly racist caricatures. You could be described as “part project, part donkey.”
Chicago Cubs – A hopeless romantic, you got sucked in by the game’s marketing campaign. You purchased WWE 12 just so you could create-a-wrestler Steve Bartman and beat the hell out of him with Chicago’s own C.M. Punk.
Chicago White Sox – You finally kicked your crazy uncle out of your house and you’re really looking forward to life without him.
Cincinnati Reds – You’ll never again be as cool as you were in the eighties. You’ve been banned for life from various establishments for inappropriate gambling.
Colorado Rockies – The mountains turn blue when you’re cold. You have your own humidor.
Detroit Tigers -You weigh 300 pounds and you wish Sony would remove “the dumb fielding parts” from the game. Losses lead to wild bouts of chain smoking.
Florida Marlins – You have great respect for Fidel Castro. Friends often describe your Twitter account as “TMI.”
Kansas City Royals – Waterfalls mean a lot to you.
Houston Astros – You play every game on the hardest difficulty available and you fucking like it. You may or may not have a thing for trains. You used to have a lot of friends with “B” names.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – Geography is not your strong suit–you often have no clue as to your exact location.
Los Angeles Dodgers – Having just come out of a brutal divorce, the magic has suddenly returned to your life. Few people come to your parties on time or stay until the end.
Milwaukee Brewers – Your life would be a lot different if not for a mishandled jar of urine. The slide is your favorite piece of playground equipment.
Minnesota Twins – You just bought a nice new house but you spend most of your time in the hospital.
New York Mets – You’ll never be as good at life as your older brother. People occasionally describe you as “amazin’.”
New York Yankees – Whenever you lose at a video game you hurl the controller across the room in anger and then stomp off to GameStop to trade said video game in for something new.
Oakland Athletics – You’re not going to buy MLB: The Show 2012 until next year when everyone has moved on to a newer model and you can get this one for $10 in the bargain bin.
Philadelphia Phillies – You’ve donated lots of money to the local senior center and you walk with a slight limp.
Pittsburgh Pirates – You’ve spent the last fifteen years trading away all your good Pokemon cards and now all you’ve got left is a deck full of Metapods.
San Diego Padres – You enjoy spending time in a whale’s vagina. Pet food is your favorite meal.
San Francisco Giants – You’re really fucking weird and you’ve got the hair to prove it.
Seattle Mariners – You have the prettiest house in the neighborhood but nothing nice to put inside of it.
St. Louis Cardinals – Known for your cat fetish, you keep a big puma in the house.
Tampa Bay Rays – A self-made man, you love the finer things in life but you live in a fucking dump.
Texas Rangers – Cocaine is your drug of choice. Your antlers are always up.
Toronto Blue Jays – You’re better than most people think. Your family has had ten different crests in the last twelve years.
Washington Nationals – You are a young up-and-comer. You do not miss those years you spent in Montreal.