The VGFL is our terrible attempt at applying the principles of fantasy sports to video games. For full rules and this season’s dispersal draft, see here.
Two months in and I’m already winning the second season of the Video Game Fantasy League, because of course I am. As the only VGFL champion ever, I am by definition the best in the world at what I do. Go ahead, try and prove me wrong. You can’t, can you? I thought not. I’m so good at this I haven’t even had to consider cheating yet.
Unfortunately, what should be a glorious pre-victory celebration at the one-sixth point of the season is instead clouded with controversy. The VGFL regrets to announce the contraction of Team Kevin. Unlike the National Hockey League, the VGFL is not too proud to admit when it has expanded into warmer climes too quickly. We got too big for our britches, popped all the buttons on said britches, and were forced to slip into a comfortable but socially unacceptable pair of stretch pants. Not to worry, though; the remainder of the league is as juicy as the glittering letters on our ass proclaim. Let no man ever compare Scott Colby to that bum Gary Bettman.
Team Yacht Captain, 19 points
Team Anthony, 5 points
Team Phegan, 0 points
Team McAnus, 0 points
Team Koz, 0 points
The Last of Us is delayed (5 points, Team Anthony). Of course it was. I’d have all 24 of the points scored thus far if Anthony hadn’t stolen that game from me. You’re on my list, Anthony. First chance I get to use my commish powers to screw someone over, guess who my main target’s going to be?
DMC: Devil May Cry sells 380,000 in its first week (2 points, Team Yacht Captain). That’s it? Two points from this terd? Ugh, Dante, you are so disappointing. If only your hair had been the correct color!
Dead Space 3 sells 390,000 in its first week (2 points), includes day one DLC (5 points), stars in a melodramatic commercial (5 points), and gets some Twitter love from Cliffy B (5 points, all for a whopping 17 points to Team Yacht Captain). Pardon me while I turn the reins over to Mr. Bleszinski for this one:
Shout out to the LD that did the Carver’s demons side quests in Dead Space 3. Stellar co-op mind fuck. Felt like some Kojima madness.
— Cliff Bleszinski (@therealcliffyb) February 21, 2013
That Kojima madness has put me firmly in first place early in the season. Thank you, Isaac Clarke. I owe you a beer.
Titles previously owned by Team Kevin (The Last of Us and South Park: The Stick of Truth) were thrown back into the pool for this month’s waiver run, which went thusly:
Team Koz – South Park: The Stick of Truth. The boys from South Park are back home with the franchise that first drafted them last year. I know Koz missed them something fierce.
Roster: GTA V, Tomb Raider, Elder Scrolls: Online
Team McAnus – The Secret World. Some people just have to take other people’s stuff. I’m pretty sure that was Kyle’s reasoning here. The Secret World won’t get him any sales points and has already gone free to play, so unless he knows something about the financial status of Funcom, his only real reason to pick this one up was to grab something that would remind him of Kevin. Everybody together now: awwwwwwwww!
Roster: Metal Gear Solid: Revengeance, Call of Duty: Black Ops 2, Army of Two: Devil’s Cartel
Team Phegan – Metro: Last Light. Too late, unfortunately, for any points from THQ’s bankruptcy, Metro’s a shot in the dark toward further possible delays and drama. That strategy’s served Phegan well in the past, but it hasn’t proven to be championship material quite yet.
Roster: Bioshock Infinite, Dragon Age III, SimCity
Team Anthony – Crysis 3. As the commercial says, “every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man.” Apparently Anthony also has a thing for snazzy power armor. Can’t say I blame him; this one ought to be worth some sales points when those numbers are released.
Roster: The Last of Us, Starcraft 2: Heart of the Swarm, DayZ
Team Yacht Captain – Remember Me. Capcom’s futuristic new IP about memory manipulation has me extremely intrigued. If it works, we could be looking at this year’s sleeper hit; if it doesn’t, well, that’ll get me some points too.
Roster: DmC, Dead Space 3, Gears of War: Judgment
For our take on the Playstation 4, check out the latest episode of the D Pad D Bags podcast.