Video Game Fantasy League Update, August 2012

The VGFL is our terrible attempt at applying the principles of fantasy sports to the world of gaming. For full rules and the original draft, see here.

You know what pisses me off? Not scoring a single point in a game I invented. Luckily for me, I lack the scruples that would keep me from using my commissioner powers for evil. When John Hemingway, lead designer of Borderlands 2, referred to the mechromancer DLC as “girlfriend mode,” I transformed into my alternate David-Stern-giving-the-Knicks-the-first-pick-in-the-draft form and got my scandal on by implementing the following rule:

2 points are awarded if the developer of a rostered game says something stupid or talks shit about that game.

Just like that, Team Yacht Captain is on the board. The rule helped Team McAnus as well, so I’ve got the competitive balance out if I need it. Don’t judge.

The standings thus far:
Team Koziol, 25 points
Team Phegan, 15 points
Team McAnus, 12 points
Team Yacht Captain, 2 points

Scoring Update:
Guild Wars 2 sells 1 million copies (10 points, Team Phegan) – This year’s biggest new MMO hasn’t even been released yet and it’s all ready selling like hot cakes. I’m not sure what hot cakes are or why people buy so many of them, but I do know that GW2 was a savvy midseason waiver wire pickup–the Victor Cruz of the VGFL, if you will.

Lead designer calls the multiplayer mode of Spec Ops: The Line “Cancerous” (2 points, Team McAnus) – Check out Cory Davis’s full comments on Kotaku. I can’t say the guy’s wrong; mode creep is becoming a definite problem in games developed by big name publishers. I’ve always likened fishing mini games to syphilis: nobody wants it, but a lot of us are willing to risk it in the name of having a good time.

Borderlands 2 and “girlfriend mode” (2 points, Team Yacht Captain) – I really don’t understand how people continue to say such dumb shit in public. Luckily for the VGFL, people are never going to learn.

August waivers

Team Yacht Captain – Dead Space 3. I deferred this month’s pick to first-time podcast guest Brooklynic, who does a hell of a job writing for us. He’s fired if I don’t get at least 20 points from this game.
Roster:  Lollipop Chainsaw, Borderlands 2 (2 points for “girlfriend mode” comment), Assassin’s Creed 3, The Secret World, The Last of Us

Team McAnus – Dishonored. I know nothing about this game except that it stars some scary guy with a skull mask who shows up in the ad columns of every gaming site but ours. Will Kyle’s move away from sequels and games featuring colons pay off?
Roster:  Spec Ops: The Line (5 points for melodramatic commercial; 2 points for “cancerous multiplayer” comment), Fable: The Journey, Black Ops 2, Far Cry 3 (5 points for being delayed), Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

Team Phegan – Torchlight 2. Interesting choice. I can’t see Runic’s forthcoming click-to-kill RPG imitating the aforementioned hot cakes or generating much controversy. But that’s why they play the games.
Roster:  Dragon Age 3 (5 points for being delayed), Sim City 5, Halo 4, Guild Wars 2 (10 points for selling 1 million copies), Bioshock Infinite

Team Koziol – World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria. Here comes another 25 points for Koz.
Roster:  Max Payne 3 (10 points for selling 1 million in its first week), Diablo 3 (10 points for selling 1 million in its first week; 3 points for being released broken and in need of a patch; 2 points for a patch making things worse), Grand Theft Auto 5, Tomb Raider, South Park: The Stick of Truth

Tune in next month, when I get even more pissed off about being in last place and lock the league out, citing redistribution of revenue and player safety as my primary concerns.

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