Tweets of the Week: Tomb Raider

At least it’s not SimCity, right? Well…that doesn’t really apply. Tomb Raider’s supposedly pretty damn good on its own. Regardless of what Twitter says.

@Vicious_Dreams says: So this upcoming Tomb Raider prequel has Lara Croft being a lame little girl. I want to see an Indiana Jones prequel where he’s class nerd.
I say: And I want to see the Halo prequel where the Master Chief is Mega Man.

@GamerBader says: lol #sony fanboys. lol people who call tomb raider an #uncharted clone. lol people who say #thief is #dishonored ripoff.#gaminghistory101
I say: This dude ain’t kidding. The number of tweets I saw that implied Nathan Drake did it better first made me question my sanity. When I have children, I fully intend to raise those little bastards right. They will know everything from Q*bert to Hydlide and back again. And they will be so poorly equipped to deal with the world that they’ll only be able to function at gaming conventions.

@Kayshire_Cat says: What if Tomb Raider had #nanomachines
I say: What if? Who needs survival when you’ve got nanites to do it all for you?

@antman32 says: Playing Tomb Raider is too stressful to me. I can’t play it for more than 30 minutes without feeling terrible
I say: I had that same problem with Destroy All Humans. So much guilt!

@_HurricaneAlexa says: errrybody be hype over tomb raider and i’m like I FUCKED WITH LARA CROFT WHEN SHE WAS ON PLAYSTATION FUCK YALL
I say: Um, word? Right? That’s the appropriate response, isn’t it?

@CoolGhostSA says: I wish Metal Gear had Tomb Raider’s hair physics.
I say: Just imagine if they applied that shit to Bayonetta. HAIR MAGIC E’ERYWHERE!

@Britt5091 says: Tomb Raider is turning me into a completionist — I’m collecting all of the things! Also, I want a threesome with Lara and Nathan Drake.
I say: Not if I can make myself the cream in that Oreo first.

@TheAlexLynch97 says: My 8 year old brother is watching me play TOMB RAIDER and he says “She’s got one big butt”
I say: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we cannot forget that second graders are a key part of the gaming demographic.

@TraJeezy says: Playing Tomb Raider and have to say it’s likely I will whack off to Lara Croft later.
I say: Believe it or not, this is the only Tomb Raider tweet of this ilk I found. Maybe gamers have grown up. Maybe most people have learned to keep their masturbatory impulses private. Maybe everyone’s too mad at EA to jerk it. Regardless, I can’t help feeling like we’ve all turned a corner.

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