The Next Xbox Launch Announcement Drinking Game

Who’s ready for Microsoft to show off their newest stuff? It’s going to be a grand old time, but you know what’ll make it even better? A bit of responsible drinking.

Sure, some of the topics on this list have been heavily rumored since we started talking about the next generation and others have been leaked to the media by supposedly reliable sources, but neither of those is a reason not to celebrate with a little toast.

Take one drink if the official name of the console is Xbox Infinity.
Take two drinks if the official name of the console is Xbox 720.
Finish your drink if the official name of the console is Xbox 2 Pi. Radians fucking rock.

Take one drink every time someone says the word “experience.” Judging from Sony’s Playstation 4 press conference, “games” has become a curse word.

Take one drink if the controller includes a “share” button.
Take two drinks if the controller includes an “Order Pizza Hut” button.
Finish your drink if the controller includes a “donate to the Kickstarter for the currently active game’s sequel” button.

Take one drink if the Master Chief makes an appearance.
Take two drinks if Kameo shows up.
Finish your drink if Blinx the Timesweeper is involved.

Take one drink if the console includes a new, improved version of the Kinect.
Take two drinks if the new Kinect can smell its users.
Finish your drink and then cry yourself to sleep if there is no controller, just Kinect.

Take one drink every time someone says the word “rich.” Games–pardon me, I forgot to type “experiences”–are no longer “good.” Environments are no longer “pretty.” Gameplay isn’t “fun.” All of these things are now just the equivalent of a particularly decadent dessert.

Take one drink if they actually show the console.
Take two drinks if a presenter makes a snide remark about Sony hiding their hardware.
Finish your drink if the console is plaid.

Take one drink if there’s a Halo game announced as a launch title.
Take two drinks if it’s a direct sequel to ODST.
Finish your drink if it’s a Kinect dance title starring Gravemind.

Take one drink if the next Xbox integrates with Windows Phone 8.
Take two drinks if the next Xbox shares functionality with Bing.
Finish your drink if the next Xbox brings back Microsoft Bob.

Editor’s Note: D Pad D Bags does not promote alcohol abuse. Many of us are alcoholics; we know for a fact you don’t want to end up like us.


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  • http://twitter.com/minimur12 Aidan Murphy

    got my drink ready! it may only be a rockstar energy drink, but it’ll be enough.


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