Tag Archives: earthworm jim

Where Are All the Bioware RPG Rip-Offs?

Mass Effect and Dragon Age are great games, and there aren't enough of that kind of RPG on the market. Where are all of the imitators?...

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D Bags Weekly 8/4/12: Centennial

What did we learn this week? We learned that all best-of lists are purely subjective, and that some people are more entertained by teenagers who pretend to shoot themselves in the head than worms that explode hilariously or dinosaurs that blow bubbles. (My 25 Favorite Games of All Time) The podcast taught us all that perseverance and a steady supply of alcohol can actually get you somewhere in life. Also, Centaur Man is gross and Javi from Game Over Nation is awesome. (Episode 100 – “100″) We learned that gamers, Apple fanboys, and jocks may not be so different after all. (The Cult of Nintendo) We learned that you don’t have to be any good at a game to enjoy it as long as it involves some sort of stereotypically Southern aesthetic. (A Streetcar Named Starcraft 2) We learned that some of the best entertainment to...

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My 25 Favorite Games of All Time

I’m not qualified to write a list of the best video games ever made. No one is. No one on the planet has played every video game ever released. No writer can completely remove his personal preferences from any attempt at objectivity. No reviewer can take a thoroughly esoteric value like “quality” and transform it perfectly into a linear scale. Many have vainly tried; I’m not even going to bother. I haven’t played every game ever. I never owned a Super NES, and I haven’t touched a Nintendo console or handheld since the days of the 64. I skipped the original Playstation and didn’t buy a Playstation 2 until the console and all of its games were dirt cheap because the Playstation 3 had just launched. For what it’s worth, I generally dislike first-person-shooters that have me shooting something other than aliens, games based on...

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Five Games That Should Not Be Remade Under Any Circumstances

These days it seems like the big creators of every form of visual media would rather reach back into the past and drag a classic kicking and screaming into the future for an update than take a risk on something new.  The Spiderman film franchise, which kicked off in 2002, is getting a full reboot this summer.  Television networks have tried to bring back everything from Fantasy Island to The Bionic Woman.  Halo: Combat Evolved recently received a graphics upgrade and a rerelease.  Sometimes this works; usually it doesn’t.  For every Earthworm Jim or True Grit you find three dozen Leisure Suit Larrys or Lost in Spaces.  Some titles should just be left in the past where they belong, even if it means some poor producer or studio head will have to do more than dig through old TV Guides or Nintendo Powers to come...

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Intervention

Dear Gaming Industry, You and I need to have a chat.  A serious one.  We’ve been together a long time, Gaming Industry.  We’ve had our highs (Mega Man II, The Orange Box) and our lows (Earthworm Jim 3D, Final Fantasy XII).  We’ve grown up together.  I remember my first NES like it was yesterday.  I can correlate every major event in my life with the console I was playing at the time.  I’ve given you piles of cash and done my best to spread your good word to any who would listen.  You’ve helped me through boredom and breakups and vacation days with which I had nothing better to do.  We’re pals, you and I.  Friends to the end. Friends are there for more than just the good times, Gaming Industry.  Sometimes friends have to man up and tell each other when they’ve stepped out...

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The Fall of the Jump

Fellow unwashed denizens of the Interwebs, I find myself severely conflicted.  A sea change is happening in our favorite pastime and I quite honestly can’t decide how I feel about it.  Typically I’m quick to jump one way or the other.  I rarely face a choice this difficult that doesn’t involve lunch.  My life is so hard. My distress revolves around one of gaming’s most ancient rites, a slice of gameplay so pervasive throughout the medium that some might consider it holy–or, perhaps more aptly, hole-y.  Entire games have been built around it, and most modern games at least pay it lip service with a half-assed, half-hearted implementation.  Dear friends, I’m talking about the jump. While playing Enslaved: Odyssey to the West the other day, I was struck by an epiphany: the jump ain’t what it used to be.  Here’s a game where the main...

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Top 10 Posts of 2011

It’s that time of year again. Another year of video game douchebaggery, and we have another collection of 10 posts that performed well over the course of the year. This list is purely based on traffic, no other things were taken into consideration, like social media, comments, or any sort of subjective opinion. 2011 was a very successful year for us here at D Pad D Bags, we got our podcast up to 72 episodes, we added a new writer to the blog(YachtCaptianColby), started broadcasting our podcast and gaming content via TwitchTV, and we were nominated for a Most Valuable Blogger award. In 2012, we are looking to grow more, add more writers, produce more content, continue our podcast and entertain you as we find possible. Now on to the list! 10. It’s Not the Size of the Weapon That Counts but the Fury of...

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Belated Gaming Thanks

Too often, all we gamers do is bitch, and moan, and whine, and complain, and bitch some more about our favorite medium.  Well, it’s that time of year when we’re supposed to be NICE.  I’m going to give this new fad a try before all the annoying Christmas commercials suck every last iota of positive energy from my soul.  If I get arrested in the next few weeks it’s probably because I pushed that stupid Target lady down a flight of stairs.  These are the things I’m thankful for in the world of gaming. I’m thankful for the shotgun.  The only weapon you really need.  Sure, the pistol’s cute, the assault rifle makes a lot of noise, and the sniper rifle is useful once or twice, but nothing beats the pure ball-busting power of a good ol’ shotgun.  Zombies?  No problem.  Aliens?  Probe this, bitch! ...

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Marry/Fuck/Kill with Final Fantasy XIII

I would like to introduce the newest writer for the DPad DBags, Scott Colby. Scott Colby is an asshole and a drunk.  You can find more of his bullshit here. First, a few words of introduction.  I’ve been a DPad DBag my entire life and never realized it until Mike said I’d be a good fit for this blossoming operation.  My earliest memory is of beating Mega Man 2 and screaming in my brother’s face that I did it first.  I judge you – harshly – when you play a game on the lowest difficulty, especially if it’s a sports game, you lazy cheating shit.  My love for Sega will never die regardless of how many shitty Sonic games they vomit up.  I hate motion controls not on principle but because no one is doing anything particularly interesting with them.  I’ve spent many a night paying...

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