Haiku Previews, October 2012

NBA 2K13, October 2

New My Player Mode
Falls short. No entourages,
Groupies, gun drama.

Now featuring new
Trade logic smarter than
Isaiah Thomas.

Wilt, MJ, ‘Nique, Bird
Are playable legends, but
Where’s Dino Radja?

Resident Evil 6, October 2

No one wants to stand
Under Wesker’s Umbrella
Ella, ella, ay.

Four scenarios.
Leon, Chris, Jake, and Ada.
No Milla? Sad face.

Move while shooting? Shit.
What a concept! What comes next?
Fishing mini games?

Pokemon Black and White 2, October 7

Monster hunting’s back.
Psyduck’s still goofy. Oh well.
Gotta catch ‘em all.

Pokewood mode is
Not Mewtwo with a boner.
Movies! No, not porn.

Misty’s back. Brock, too.
Where’s Ashe’s mother? Oh man,
That was a hot babe.

Dishonored, October 9

Scary skull face ads
All over the Internet
Don’t make me want this.

Susan Sarandon
Provides voice work. No Time Warp,
Though. Damn it, Janet.

Assassinations
Or nonviolent victory.
Gandhi would approve.

Fable: The Journey, October 9

Kinect voice controls
Let us over promise like
Peter Molyneaux.

Motion controlled horse.
Revolutionary or
Gangnam Style ripoff?

Albion land values
Have to be in the shitter.
No schools, bad goblins.

Assassin’s Creed III, October 30

One if by land. Two
If by sea. Three if by dude
Jumping off the roof.

Seven editions.
Does Ubisoft think they are
Microsoft Office?

Sailing and Hunting!
Assassins get vacations
Like the rest of us.

WWE ’13, October 30

Throwback to the famous
Attitude Era, sans Hot
Lesbian Action.

Where’s Ernest Miller?
The Cat and Funkasaurus
Must fight for song rights.

Big gender problems.
No Divas’ First Blood matches?
Glass ceiling. Pipe bomb!


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