Haiku Previews, November 2012

Halo 4

Halo 4 (November 6)

Masterchief returns.
Halos without the Flood are
The bestest Halos.

Spaceballs 2 jealous.
Reclaimer Trilogy: The
Search for more money.

Adrift in space, yet
Somehow Cortana’s hair keeps
Pace with latest trends.

Paper Mario: Sticker Star

Paper Mario: Sticker Star (November 11)

Handheld Paper Mario
Simulates first grade art class
With use of stickers.

Evil turtles don’t learn.
Bowser stole royal stickers,
Headed for time out.

 This would’ve looked
Better with Lou Albano
Playing Mario.

Call of Duty: Black Ops II

Call of Duty: Black Ops II (November 11)

Alex Mason returns
To kick Cold War ass. Commies
Do not stand a chance.

Like father, like son.
David Mason takes over
Where daddy left off.

First Call of Duty
To use branching storylines.
Two thousand and late.


Wonderbook (November 11)

 No, not Wonderbread.
Remember this? From E3?
Yeah, I forgot too.

Harry Potter comes
To augmented reality
And lands with a thud.

All joking aside,
Anything that makes kids read
Can not be all bad.

(Wait. Homefront had text!
Don’t let your kids read that shit.
I take it all back.)

Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two

Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two (November 18)

Mickey and Oswald
Make folks in Donald hoodies
Quack and jump madly.

Dude, come on, Warren.
Mickey’s fine, but let’s get real.
Where’s Wing Commander?

 Unique paint gameplay
Like Okami on the juice.
Test the fucking mouse.

Wii U

Wii U (November 18)

Wait a minute, now!
Dear Nintendo marketing:
Wii and U is Us.

Juiced up graphics,
New features for a slew of
Rereleases. Hmm.

And Mario’s here!
But enough about him. His name
Is hard for haikus.

Hitman: Absolution

Hitman: Absolution (November 20)

Not the Transporter.
That’s Agent 47,
Bald and beautiful.

Long-awaited game
Promises stealth and shooting
And Keith Carradine!

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