Expanding the Rules of PAX

Gamers, nerds, and cosplayers unite!  PAX East descends upon Boston in just a few days.  For handy reference, the event’s organizers have printed the Rules of PAX on the back of your snazzy admission badge:

  1. Drugs are bad!
  2. Don’t steal!
  3. Don’t punch or kick people!
  4. No cheating!
  5. Don’t harass anyone!
  6. Don’t vandalize anything!
  7. Don’t mess with stuff that’s not yours!

Kudos to the PAX East organizers; that’s a great start.  It’s simple, it’s to the point, and it isn’t full of bullshit prepositional phrases like “for your convenience” or “to maintain the spirit of the event” or “at all times.”  But there are a few things missing from the original list that I’d like to add:

  1. Don’t cut in line!
  2. Don’t feed the booth babes!
  3. Don’t be that asshole who stands around with no awareness of his or her surroundings and gets in everyone’s way!
  4. Please shower every morning!
  5. Teasing the local Southie people is dumb!  Most of them carry homemade shanks everywhere!
  6. No soliciting dark elves for a threesome in your hotel room unless you’re level 55 or better!
  7. Don’t atomic drop people!
  8. Be respectful to our presenters.  Don’t throw rotten vegetables at them until they’ve spoken for at least five minutes!
  9. Leave your Hello Kitty crap at home!  This isn’t Anime Boston!  That’s next weekend!  I think!
  10. Pooping on the floor is bad!
  11. Don’t eat at the Whiskey Priest, especially if you’re trying hard to adhere to the above rule!
  12. Don’t cosplay as Mass Effect’s Jack if dressing as Enslaved’s Pigsy would be more appropriate for your body type!
  13. Don’t taze me, bro!
  14. No taking off your costume before you get on the T or go to the bar!
  15. Please play PAX Bingo with the DPad DBags!  You could win the game of your choice, valued at $60 or less!
  16. Please listen to the bootleg podcast we’re going to attempt at 5 pm Saturday night!

You can thank me later, PAX organizers and attendees.  Be sure to print this list out and tape it to the back of your badge.


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