Double Dragon: Let’s Clean Up New Angeles!

Ladies and gentlemen of New Angeles, I address you today with a heavy heart.  Our beloved Double Dragons, Billy and Jimmy Lee, can no longer be counted on to protect us from the looming threat of the Black Warriors.  Homeland Security caught them downloading a Battletoads ROM and had them deported.  With our heroes removed from the picture, the burden of securing our city streets and keeping Marian safe falls upon the government.
As mayor, I hereby introduce my three-point plan for cleaning up New Angeles:
Point 1: We shall crack down heavily on loitering with an aggressive new signage campaign.  No longer will random thugs spend days waiting on the streets for would-be heroes to cross their paths.  Harsh fines shall be levied against any and all violators.  Revenue from this program will be used to fix the pot holes left behind by thrown dynamite.
Point 2: It is too damn easy for young ladies of questionable ethics to acquire whips in this town. Henceforth, all whip purchases shall require an extensive background check and a thirty day waiting period. To get existing whips off the street, we’re also implementing a buyback program; used whips can be dropped off at your local fire station in exchange for a $20 Target gift card.Point 3: As part of a further initiative, Operation Abobo Social Surveillance (ASS), all abobos will be required to register themselves in our database. Citizens living within a quarter mile of a registered abobo will be notified via mail.
Stand with me, New Angeles, and together we can make a safer community for our children.  We don’t want a situation on our hands like what happened in River City.

Featured Articles:

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Around the web